


Don't Go Where I Can't Follow

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: BixFreed [17]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: (With alt ending available), Anger, Character Death, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Friendship/Love, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missions Gone Wrong, Protectiveness, Rescue, Serious Injuries, Team as Family, Trapped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-08-28 04:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16716854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: Trapped by a rock-slide following a battle and unable to even see one another, all Bickslow and Freed can do is hold on and hope that their teammates will get to them in time.





	1. Chapter 1

    Bickslow groaned as he drifted awake, his entire body a mass of aches and pains, but as he cautiously moved each limb, in turn, he was relieved to discover that miraculously he seemed to have come through this without any serious injuries. With that confirmed he slowly lifted his head, blinking when the world in front of him remained dark, and for one terrifying moment he feared that whatever had knocked him out had done something to his eyes. Gradually he realised that he could make out rough outlines and lifting his hand to wave it in front of his own face he confirmed that he could just make out his skin and that he was in a dark place rather than blind. Which was a relief, but as comforting as it should have been as he tried to work out where he was and how he had got here, fairly sure that they had been in the middle of a fight before this.

    A soft noise in the darkness had him freezing, heart hammering in alarm as he listened for it again and this time he was able to place it as a soft moan. Warily he tried to rise to his feet, only to discover to his alarm that he was only able to get about halfway before he brushed against a ceiling of some kind, and his eyes narrowed as he ran his hands over what felt like a rough rock. _Where am I?_ The noise came again, and he put aside the mystery of where he was, dropping back into a crouch before shuffling towards the sound, ready for the slightest sign of an attack.

    It took him a couple of minutes of reaching blindly in the darkness before he felt his fingers brushing against fabric, and his breath hitched as he traced the material up until his fingers met long hair, and then cool skin, and he knew even without being able to see who it was.

“Freed?” He called frantically as he shuffled as close as possible, wishing desperately that he could see as his fingers had just brushed against something that felt worryingly like blood and he knew that the fact that Freed hadn’t reacted to his touch was a bad sign. Gently he traced his way down to a thin shoulder, shaking it as gently as possible as he was wary of there being more serious injuries that he couldn’t see, and this time he was rewarded with a soft whimper. The noise made him freeze for a moment. He always hated hearing his partner in pain, but that noise was one that he had thankfully only heard on very rare occasions, but it always meant that things were bad. “Freed?! Can you hear me?”

“Yeah…” It was barely above a whisper, and Bickslow swallowed at the sheer amount of pain that was evident in the younger man’s voice, and he jumped when shaky fingers crept up to curl around where his hand was still holding Freed’s shoulder. “You’re too loud.”

“Sorry,” he whispered. Normally he would have happily bickered with Freed regardless of the situation, pointing out that the Rune mage was the one who was too quiet and who had made the mistake of choosing to be with the noisy Seith mage. However, he couldn’t muster the words today, an uneasy feeling pooling in his stomach as he realised just how weak Freed’s grip was on his hand. At odds with his usual grip which had been strengthened after years of sword fighting, and the realisation that now they were this close, he could hear just how strained the Rune mage’s breathing was, and he could feel the uneasy feeling slowly morphing into terror. _Freed…_

“Not…. like you…” Freed whispered, stirring slightly and to Bickslow it sounded as though he was attempting to push himself upright before he stilled a moment later with a pained noise.  “W-What… happened?”

“I’m not sure,” Bickslow admitted, wishing that he did have the answer because he hadn’t missed the undercurrent of fear beneath that question. “I was hoping you could tell me…”

     Freed frowned at that, trying to pull his thoughts together in the soup that seemed to have filled his head. Everything hurt, to the point where the slightest movement sent lightning flashes of pain through every part of his body. Even breathing was painful enough to bring tears to his eyes, and he was glad that the other man couldn’t see him in the darkness, aware that it was concern that had stopped the Seith mage from teasing him a few minutes before. At the same time, he longed to see Bickslow, the hand on his shoulder the only thing keeping him grounded as he tried to breathe through the pain. _What happened…?_ They had been fighting he remembered - on a job with Laxus and Evergreen, and for once everything had seemed to be going fine, and his breath caught in his throat as his memory began to clear…

     _He wasn’t sure what had made him glance up at the exact moment, there hadn’t been a particular shift in the fight or anything that he could put his finger on, but he had downed his opponent and glanced around in search of his teammates. As expected there was no reason to be concerned about Laxus who seemed to be enjoying himself for once if the small grin tugging at his lips was anything to go by, and Evergreen was close enough to the Dragon-slayer that even if something did go disastrously wrong, she would be in good hands. However, as he turned in search of Bickslow he felt his previous confidence turning to ice in his chest as he realised that his partner was being herded back towards the cliff, sharp eyes immediately catching movement further up the rock-face and his heart began to race as he realised that it was a trap._

_“BICKSLOW!” He shouted, not caring that he was about to break his own rules about being reckless in battle because of the other man, already dashing forward. It wasn’t enough, he wasn’t going to get there in time, and the icy feeling intensified as he saw the realisation spreading across the other man’s face as the Seith mage realised what was happening. There wasn’t enough time…Freed wasn’t going to get there in time at this rate, and Bickslow was pinned by their attacks…turquoise eyes widened though as he spotted the thin crack just to the right of his partner, hope…a fool’s hope, burning through his panic and he had drawn his sword. “Dark Écriture: Wings!”_

_His wings had given him just enough speed to reach Bickslow just as there was a deafening explosion from above them, and he had a fleeting impression of the cliff face beginning to give way, rocks tumbling down towards them before he seized hold of the Seith mage and flung them both into the crack. He had no idea how deep it was, or if it would even be enough to save them, and he had no time to worry about it as the collapsing rocks caught up with them, catching them up in the slide and his world dissolved into a mass of pain as they were carried deeper into the cliff. His last memory had been off Bickslow’s arm slipping out of his grip, and then something had struck his head, and the world had gone completely dark._

“Rockslide…”

    Bickslow blinked at the quiet reply, feeling his own memory beginning to stir and he was sure the colour must’ve drained from his face as he realised two things. One they were probably well and truly trapped, and two, that Freed was only there because of him. That second thought felt like a lead weight in his stomach, especially as the Rune mage had broken down in weak coughs, the act of speaking draining what strength he had.

“I’m sorry…” _I’m so sorry…_

“Not…” Freed was still struggling to catch his breath, but he couldn’t bear to hear the guilt in his partner’s voice, and he curled his fingers tighter around Bickslow’s hand as he fought to get the other words out. “Your…Fault…” It really wasn’t - it had been a well-prepared trap, and he was the one that had hurled himself into the mess to try and protect Bickslow, completely forgetting that they had promised after the last near miss they would try not to be as reckless for the others sake.

“But….”

“Not…” Freed tried to repeat his words, fiercer than before, but his voice got lost as he found himself doubling over as he began to cough violently, tears trickling down his cheeks as the pain rose higher and high and he found himself struggling to draw in enough air. “Bix…” He gasped, panic sweeping through him and he clutched desperately at Bickslow’s hand, frantically trying to ground himself, but he knew it was too late as darkness swept over his thoughts, and he was vaguely aware of his partner shouting his name as he sank under once more.

“Freed?” Bickslow shouted, feeling the hand in his going limp and terror swept over him. “FREED!” There was no response, and for a moment he thought that it was too late…and it took him a minute to focus himself, realising that he could still hear the strained sound of his partner’s breath, slightly easier than it had been as unconscious eased the panic that had overwhelmed the Rune Mage. _Freed…_ He didn’t need to be able to see his partner know that whatever wounds he had was severe, and his eyes were suspiciously damp as he gripped Freed’s hand in both of his, silently willing the younger man to hold on as long as possible.

_Laxus…Ever…please hurry…_

****

    The Seith mage had no idea how long they had been trapped in the cave, or how long had passed since Freed had fallen unconscious again and the constant darkness was pressing in on him, making it hard to cling to the hope that help was coming. He had alternated between sitting beside Freed and clinging to his hand, longing to hold his partner properly, but terrified of causing more damage by moving him; and trying to find a way out, searching blindly in the darkness for some hint as to where the entrance was. But the rock that met his searching fingers was the same in every direction he tried, and he didn’t dare to try to move it without being able to see what he was doing, aware that just one wrong move could bring the rock tumbling down on them again.

     He had just returned to sit next to the Rune mage, rubbing a hand wearily across his face before reaching out to grasp Freed’s hand when there was a soft moan, and he immediately leant forward even as he felt Freed’s fingers tightening around his. The touch was faint, feathery almost and he swallowed back the fresh terror that gripped him as he realised that Freed’s strength was fading.

“Bix….”

“Hey,” it was a struggle to get his voice to work, let alone sound halfway calm and he had to take a deep breath before admitting softly.  “You had me worried.”

“Sor…ry…” Freed whispered, hearing the strain in his partner’s voice and blinking hard as he tried to clear his vision, unsure of how much of the darkness was because of the cave and how much was due to the fog that was still clinging to his thoughts. “Still…. here?”

“Yeah,” Bickslow admitted heavily, wishing desperately that he had some news…just something that he could give Freed to give him something to hold onto, and he blinked back tears as he lifted Freed’s hand to press a kiss to it before adding softly. “But I know that they must be working to get through to us.” That much at least was true as he knew that Evergreen and Laxus would do everything in their power to get them out. _But what if they can’t?_ A nasty voice whispered at the back of his mind, reminding him that they had no idea how the battle had ended and that they were running out of time, as even though he had been trying to ignore it, the air was beginning to get worse. “Freed?” He asked, forcing himself to focus on the Rune mage once more and stilling as he realises that Freed had slipped under again while he was lost in his thoughts. The darkness seemed to press in on him even stronger than before, and he closed his eyes in an attempt to try and block out the unwelcome thoughts slipping through his mind.

_Maybe it’s better that he’s not awake for this…_

****

    Bickslow hadn’t dared to move after that, taking shallow breaths as he clung to Freed’s hand, hoping to eke out a little more time to give the others chance to get to them. His thoughts beginning to wander now, and he found himself jolting awake suddenly as his chin hit his chest and for a moment he panicked, the darkness and the weakness creeping into his limbs leaving him disorientated and it took him a couple of minutes to realise that he could hear something that he hadn’t heard before…the sound of rocks shifting behind. The sound was still faint enough to tell him that they were still a distance away, but it was enough to rekindle the hope that had long since begun to fade and gathering his breath he reached down to try and rouse the Rune mage, needing Freed to know that he had something to hold on for.

“Freed…Freed,” he called urgently, not liking how cool the other’s skin was against his, and his hands shook as he reached up to gently tap Freed’s cheek. _Please wake up…_ It took much longer than he liked to even elicit the slightest response from his partner, and his heart ached at the pained whimper that met his efforts. _I’m sorry…_

“Bix…?”

“Yeah it’s me,” his cheeks were damp with tears of relief at the weak whisper, and he hastily reached up to brush them aside, aware that they couldn’t afford for him to fall apart now and he took a moment to gather himself before adding more confidently. “I wanted to tell you that help is coming, I can hear it! So you need to hold on, okay?”

“Good…” Freed breathed faintly, closing his eyes with relief as he also picked up on the sound of rock being shifted. However, the relief was for Bickslow… not for himself as he knew that no matter how desperately the Seith mage might want him to hold on, he just didn’t have the strength anymore and there were tears on his cheeks as he tilted his head weakly towards Bickslow, wishing now that he could see him clearly… _just once more…_ but he couldn’t, and he sniffled before admitting softly.  “It …doesn't hurt…”

“What doesn’t?” Bickslow hadn’t missed the fact that Freed had immediately agreed to hold on as he had in the past, and he had been desperately hoping that the younger man had just been trying to conserve his strength by not answering…but those three words had just dashed that hope, and the terror that had begun to fade the moment he had heard the sound of rescue coming washed over him stronger than ever and he tightened his hold on Freed’s hand. “Freed? What doesn’t hurt?”

“Anything…it’s all gone,” Freed replied faintly and Bickslow choked back a sob, well aware that wasn’t a good sign, and he opened his mouth, intending to say something, anything to reassure the younger mage that he was going to be okay when he was cut off.  “Which is nice…”

“Freed…” There was no holding back his sob as heard the pure relief in Freed’s voice at that admission, his stomach churning as his mind raced with the thought of just how much pain the Rune mage must’ve been in to say that. _Freed…_ Shuddering he blinked back tears as he raised a hand to cup Freed’s face, panicking as he realised that the younger man’s eyes had closed at some point. “Freed! Don’t you dare close your eyes,” he ordered desperately, his heart pounding as he felt Freed struggling to comply with his demands, even now trying to do what Bickslow was asking and his voice broke as he pleaded with the Rune Mage. “Please…You’re not allowed to die on me, do you hear?”

“Y…” Freed tried to reply, pressing against the hand on his cheek for a moment, but the words trailed off, and Bickslow froze as the gentle pressure disappeared a moment later as the strained breathing faded away, plunging him into silence aside from the sound of his own ragged breathing…for a minute he didn’t dare move…waiting for the next strained breath…waiting for the confirmation that Freed was still with him, unable to comprehend any other outcome. But there was nothing…

“Freed?” He finally got his voice to work, trembling as he shook the younger mage, waiting desperately for some sort of response even as he felt a howl building up at the back of his throat. _This can’t be happening…please, this can’t be happening…_ But the reality of their situation was cruel and unrelenting, and his breath hitched as he finally dared to pull the younger man into his arms, listening desperately for a cry…a whimper…anything to show that Freed was still with him. “Freed!” He cried, desperate and pleading…only to be met with silence, and the howl that he had been fighting tooth and nail to hold back escaped, a wordless cry of pain as he clung to Freed, rocking his partner gently as he buried his face in the green hair.

_Please…Please come back. Don’t go where I can’t follow…_

 


	2. Chapter 2

   Bickslow jerked awake with a sob, Freed’s name on his lips and his hand automatically stretching out towards the Rune mage, only to clutch at empty air. Tears welling up even as he rolled onto his side to confirm what his search had already told him, that he was alone in the bed. It had been three months. Three long, agonising months since his partner had slipped away in his arms, and yet every night he would wake, reaching out for Freed as though expecting him to suddenly reappear. He did it during the day as well, turning to speak to Freed only to come up short as he was confronted by the empty space at his side, the pain intensifying rather than fading as time went by.

_Freed, why?_

   He had tried to be angry - angry at himself for failing to spot the trap day, and for not managing to get his partner to hold on. Angry at the others for not getting to them _on time, and at Freed for not holding on, for not keeping his promise that he wouldn’t die that easily. You held on for hours. Why couldn’t you have held on a little longer?_ He had even succeeded for a while at least in part, lashing out at Evergreen and Laxus when they tried to comfort him, pushing everyone away with harsh words. He hadn’t been able to hold onto his anger at Freed for longer than a couple of days, unable to shake the memory of the sheer relief in his partner’s voice when he had said the pain was gone. _Just how much had he been hurting?_ But as his anger faded, his pain had increased, and he had no idea how he was meant to move on from any of this.

   Everywhere he looked there were memories of Freed. The house was the worst, the Rune mage’s presence imprinted on every room and he had lost track of the number of times he had glanced up half expecting to find Freed cooking in the kitchen or curled up in his favourite corner of the couch reading a book. Their room was the worst, but when Evergreen had tentatively suggested that he switch rooms, he had vehemently refused. As painful as it was, the room was where he could feel his partner’s presence the strongest. The books stored so lovingly on the bookshelves, the pictures that Reedus had painted of the both of them covering the side. The armchair in the corner that was heavily patched after years of use but Freed had been adamant about keeping it when Bickslow had suggested buying a new one, and the Skeith mage knew he would never be able to get rid of it now.

   Some of their happiest memories had happened in this room. Like the day that Freed had finally lost his patience with Bickslow’s constant dancing around the feelings that were developing between them, the younger man had dragged him in here, forcing him to sit on the bed and rambling on for a good ten minutes as he grew increasingly red in the face. In the end, Bickslow had lunged off the bed, sending them both sprawling to the ground as he silenced the frantic words with the kiss he had wanted to claim for far too long. He didn’t think he had ever seen the Rune mage blush so brightly or seen such pure happiness in the bright turquoise eyes. It had been barely three months later that he had come home one day to find his bedroom had been packed up, his stuff moved into this room, and a determined looking Freed waiting for him on the bed.

_As if I would have ever said no…_

   How many evenings had they spent lazing in their room? Freed with his nose buried in a book, either curled up in his chair while Bickslow sprawled on the bed and watched Lacrima vision, or coming across to lie on the bed with him, often using the Skeith mage as a pillow. Those were Bickslow’s favourite evenings because after a while he would feel Freed’s fingers slowly creeping into his hair, massaging his scalp and tugging gently on the messy locks. Other evenings they would cuddle together and watch something, the Rune mage spooning him whenever they watched a scary or emotional film and whispering teasing words of comfort in his ears, and others they would just lie curled together, not doing anything other than studying the other and enjoying the rare moment of peace.

   Bickslow blinked, gradually becoming aware of the tears streaking down his cheeks although he made no effort to wipe them away. He was surprised that he still had any left to shed, it felt like he should have run out long ago, and yet despite the hollow feeling in his chest, they never seemed to stop. _Freed…_ His breath hitched. Everywhere he looked he could see mementoes of Freed, of their life together, and it hurt. It hurt more than he could bear, and he curled into a ball, trying to block out just how big the bed felt around him as he began to sob in earnest.

   When he eventually drifted off into an uneasy sleep, it was with the fervent wish that he would wake to find that this was just a long nightmare and that he would rouse to Freed’s arms wrapped tightly around him, green hair tickling his chin and the Rune mage’s face nestled against him.

_Please,_ _this can’t go on. This can’t be all that’s left. Please, Freed…_

****

   Evergreen watched with sad eyes as Bickslow stumbled downstairs the next morning, the dark shadows under his eyes worse than ever and a lost expression on his face as he found her cooking their breakfast, and not…him. She had to blink back sudden tears at that thought as she glanced away, her hands tightening around the spoon she was holding, fighting tooth and nail to stop herself falling apart. _Freed, did you ever think what this would do to us? What it would do to him?_ She had never imagined what they would do if anything had happened to any of them, she had never wanted to imagine it, but this gaping emptiness and the void that had opened between them was worse than anything she could have conjured.

   She doubted that she would ever forget the terror that had engulfed her when they had realised what had happened to their teammates, or the panic as it had taken them hours to break through to where the others were. A couple of tears slipped free as she recalled the moment they had finally broken through the last bit of the blockade, to be met with the sight of Bickslow cradling Freed in his arm, heaving sobs that she had never thought him capable of shaking his body. She had tried to deny it. Had tried not to see how still Freed was, the blood that was evident in the light trickling in from behind her. It had been Laxus, standing equally frozen beside her that had broken her from her denial as his breath had hitched, and she had glanced at him just in time to see his tears beginning to fall, and she had known then that it was real.

“I’m going to go and see him…” Bickslow’s voice was hoarse from disuse as he had done everything in his power to avoid talking to anyone since that day and Evergreen swallowed hard at the sound. _Bickslow_ …He always used to drive her up the wall, and if you had asked her back then she would probably have said that she would love it if he settled down a little, but now she would give anything to have him and his dolls winding her up and playing pranks on him. It took a moment for her to process what he had said, and the spoon fell from her hand with a clatter as she turned to look at him with wide eyes. _He was going to go and see Freed?_

   In the months since Freed’s funeral, he had refused to go and visit the grave even once. It was one of the few times they had heard him raise his voice at all, shouting that he couldn’t, that going there would mean accepting that Freed was gone and that he wasn’t… _that he couldn’t be gone_ … there had been a wildness to his expression that day that had made them reluctant to mention it again, and she prayed that maybe this was a sign of improvement.

“Do you….?”

“I want to go on my own,” He cut her off, and there was something off about his tone, and her eyes narrowed as she turned to face him fully.

“Bickslow, you’re…” _Not thinking about doing stupid, are you?_ She couldn’t bring herself to finish the question, terrified on the answer or of seeing a lie in his eyes.

“I’m not going to do anything stupid,” he reassured her as he guessed where her thoughts had gone, lifting his head and meeting her gaze with pained crimson eyes. “I thought about it, so many times…” He admitted softly, glancing down at his hands and recalling the times he had reached for Freed’s sword, desperate to find a way to cut out this pain. To end this hollow existence, but every time his fingers so much as brushed the weapon, loving turquoise had flashed through his mind and stopping him in his tracks.

“Bickslow…”

“He wouldn’t want me to,” Bickslow cut across her softly, tears swimming in his eyes as he slowly met her gaze once more. It had taken him a long time to realise and accept that, and even now the thought that he couldn’t join his lover cut him to the core, and his voice was thick as he continued. “I know that, and as much it hurts…” _It hurts so much_ , he thought, one hand creeping up to clutch at his chest as he added faintly. “As much as it hurts, even now I can’t deny him anything.”

“I’m glad,” Evergreen admitted softly, hating the pain in his voice, but unable to hide the relief in her expression. “We couldn’t bear losing you too.” The heart had gone out of the Raijinshuu with Freed’s death, and Laxus had grown more distance than ever, and they had been forced to alternate in taking solo jobs. Neither of them daring to leave the Skeith mage alone and he had always adamantly shaken his head at the mere suggestion that he should go with them, unable to forget the fact that it had been a job that had taken Freed from him.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Don’t apologise,” she scolded him, closing the distance between them and hesitantly laying her hand on his shoulder, relishing the contact after months of being pushed away the moment she came within feet of him, and she sniffled when he reached up to lay his hand over him. _He’s coming back_ , it was something she had begun to doubt would ever happen, and there was a watery smile on her face as she added softly. “Go and see him. I’m sure he’s been waiting for you.” She had been to visit Freed at least once a week since the funeral, taking him flowers and trying to keep him updated on Bickslow’s progress or lack of progress, and she was sure that the Rune mage would be waiting for him.

“Yeah…” Bickslow swallowed thickly at the thought that Freed might have been waiting for him all this time, and it helped to quiet his nerves. “I’m going to skip breakfast if that’s okay?”

“Of course,” she reassured him warmly, aware that he would have barely touched it anyway, leaning in to peck him on the cheek before stepping back with a quiet. “Go.” He shot her grateful half-smile, a pale echo of the grin he had once had as he slowly rose to his feet and headed for the door, and she took a deep breath when he slipped out of the house, tears on her cheeks.

_Freed he’s coming…_

****

   Bickslow’s heart was hammering in his chest as he followed the path towards Kardia Cathedral, struggling not to lose himself in the memories of all the times he and Freed had followed this same path, hand in hand. There was a small, antiquarian bookshop near the cathedral that the Rune mage had frequented, to the point where the owner had always held new shipments for him to come and nose through, and who had attended his funeral with tears in her eyes. And this had been the route they had taken on many an evening when they had been too restless just to relax in their room, often trailing around the entire town before returning home. _Freed_ …His hand curled into a fist as he tried to shake off the haunting memory of the calloused fingers that should have entwined with his.

_Freed…._

    The gate to the cemetery creaked loudly as he let himself in through the side, and he faltered for a moment as he gazed around the graveyard, his eyes stinging as he recalled the last time he had been here. It had been just under a week since Freed had died and he had still been buried in the numbness that had engulfed him the moment the others had rescued him. Since the moment he had realised that Freed was really gone and wasn’t coming back. Even now his recollections of the funeral were fuzzy at best…he knew that it had been a beautiful day, bright blue skies and the sun shining down on them, weather that Freed had always adored as he felt the cold more than most, and because it meant he could sprawl out outside and read. But that day the sun had hurt. It should have been grey and raining to reflect the storm building in Bickslow’s chest.

   He couldn’t remember anything that had been said that day, unable to bear to listen to other people’s grief when he couldn’t even face his own, but he remembered Evergreen gently leading him to the front and asking him to say something. There had been so much he could have said, so much he probably should have said, but the words had been trapped in his chest. Words that only Freed should be able to hear, and he was no longer there to listen to them, and in the end, only three broken words had slipped out.

“He was everything…”

“He was everything,” he repeated softly to himself now, tears trickling down his cheeks as he shook his head. “No, he is everything.” It didn’t matter how much time had passed or would pass. He already knew deep in his heart that he could never move on completely, never forget the hold that Freed had, had on him.

_Freed…_

   Gathering his courage, he forced himself to move forward, stunned to realise that he remembered the path perfectly even though it had only been Evergreen’s arm around his shoulders that had let him reach the spot where they had laid his partner to rest. Already he could make out the stone, differentiated from the others by the carved book that lay on the top. It had been the one thing he had managed to request, rising from his numbness to say that it had to be something uniquely Freed, and he knew that when he got closer, the carved pages would be engraved with runes - a memento the skills he had worked so hard to hone over the years.

   There were flowers in the vase at his base, and his lips quirked at the sight, relieved that Evergreen had been able to do what he hadn’t. Relieved to know that his partner hadn’t been alone all this time. His steps slowed, his heart hammering louder than ever as he came to a halt in front of the grave, his vision blurring with tears as he raised his gaze to read the inscription.

_Freed Justine._

_Captain. Protector. Friend. Lover._

_Everything, forever and always._

   Ten simple words that didn’t even come close to summing up what or who Freed had been, and tears trickled down his cheeks as he crouched down and reached out to trace the last line with trembling fingers. _Forever…_ He had written the inscription, he had promised the Rune mage forever and yet today was the first time he had visited him and he swallowed thickly, blinking away tears as he forced a weak smile onto his face.

“H-hey Freed. I’m finally here, I’m sorry that I made you wait so long,” he whispered, resting his hand on the inscription as he felt a gentle breeze tugging at his clothes and hair, and he stiffened as for a brief moment he could have sworn that he had heard Freed’s voice whispering softly in his ear.

_You’re here now, that’s all that matters…_


	3. Alternative Ending

   Bickslow rubbed a weary hand across his face, grimacing at the grainy feel of his skin and the rough stubble that had begun to cover his chin, well aware that he was a state to behold. Especially as Evergreen had become even more insistent in her efforts to get him to go back to the inn where they had taken up residence and get a proper wash and rest, but he couldn’t, and his eyes stung as his attention swung to the bed, and the reason for his current state. _Freed…_ It was a miracle that the younger man was still with them, although looking at him, it was hard to believe that he was still alive. His usually pale skin was nearly translucent at the moment, making the numerous cuts and bruises covering his body stand out vividly a constant reminder of just how close the Skeith mage had come to losing him.

_“Freed!” He cried, desperate and pleading, only to be met with silence, and the howl that he had been fighting tooth and nail to hold back escaped. A wordless cry of pain as he clung to Freed, rocking his partner gently as he buried his face in the green hair, silently begging the younger man to come back to him._

_He had been so lost in his grief. In the fact that he could no longer hear the strained breathing that had confirmed that Freed was alive, that he was fighting to hold on, that he hadn’t even heard the rock shifting behind them. The first time he had realised that rescue had arrived was Laxus had appeared at his side, expression grimmer than any of them had ever seen it and a determined glint in the blue eyes as he reached out to take the Rune Mage. Lost in his grief, and the growing storm of anger at the thought that they had come too late he had lashed out, fighting to hold onto his lover, to keep Freed with him at least physically._

_He had been no match for the Dragon-slayer, not in that state and a strangled cry had escaped when Freed had been pulled from his arms. Had it not been for Evergreen appearing and wrapping her arms around him, struggling to hold him in place, he would have lunged for Laxus. He would have ruined everything. It had taken far longer than it should have, for him to realise that the Dragon-slayer hadn’t given up. That he was lying Freed out on the floor, hands gentle as now that light had seeped into the cave it was impossible to miss the damage the rockfall had caused, and Bickslow had felt his breath catching. No wonder Freed had sounded so relieved that it didn’t hurt anymore…_

_“I have to go help him, okay?” Evergreen asked softly, and he had been too out of it to do anything but nod, unable to focus on anything but the blood staining his partner’s clothes and the pained expression on the still face. Freed…_

_He had been frozen in place, unable to do anything but watch, heart hammering in his chest as they began to fight to bring Freed back. He hadn’t been able to stay quiet though when Laxus had reached out, his magic flaring as he shocked the Rune mage, crying out as he surged forward with a half-formed thought to stop him. He’s gone, please don’t hurt him more…. But he had frozen when Evergreen had glanced at him with a small shake of her head, before she resumed CPR, only stopping when Laxus leaned in again to shock the Rune Mage. Bickslow was trembling, torn between desperate hope that they might be able to do the impossible and wanting them to stop, to let the younger man go peacefully, his stomach rolling as Freed jolted with each shock._

_It was there in their expressions…the fading hope…and Bickslow realised that he had allowed himself to be sucked in by their determination as it felt like his heart was shattering all over again, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. Freed…._

_Evergreen had just begun to sob, still trying to continue her efforts despite that, Laxus’s lightning flaring through the air once more when they all froze, and for a moment Bickslow didn’t dare believe what he was hearing, terrified of allowing himself to hope again. But no, there it was - the sound of faint, laboured breathing and the Skeith mage had dashed the tears from his eyes, just in time to see Freed’s chest rising and falling shallowly and he had fallen forward onto hands and knees with a sob of relief. Lifting his head to meet Evergreen’s equally tearful gaze as she said the words that he had honestly thought he would never get to hear._

_“We’ve got him…”_

   That had been two weeks ago, and it hadn’t been the end of their struggles. They’d had no choice but to move Freed themselves, despite the dangers it posed with his injured state, and he had crashed again before they had reached the town where they had been staying. Although this time it was Bickslow who had helped Laxus fight to bring him back. His shock fading to be replaced with grim determination as he recalled Freed’s words from months before - _‘I won’t die so easily, and I know you won’t let me.’_ Those words had become his mantra, both as they fought to stabilise the younger man then, and in the long days since then.

   Sighing softly, he reached out and retook Freed’s hand, hoping as always that he would feel the younger man’s fingers curling around his. But at least he was warm to the touch now, and his gaze drifted up to watch the slow rise and fall of Freed’s chest, a sight that he knew that he would never tire of. It had transpired that Freed had broken most of the ribs on the left side of his body and that one of them had been pressing dangerously on his lung. In the first few days that Freed been in the hospital, they’d had more than a few scares, and the doctors had been forced to use a bubble of air magic to ensure that he was getting enough air. Thankfully that was gone now, as the mere sight of it had terrified Bickslow more than anything else in the room.

   The list of injuries had silenced them all, and they had been forced to acknowledge that the doctors hadn’t been overstating things when they had said that it was a miracle that they had been able to bring him back in the first place, let alone that he was still holding on. Aside from his ribs and compromised lung, he had shattered the bones in his left arm and broken the ankle on the same side. His back was covered in deep bruises from where the rocks had impacted against him, intersected with grazes from where he must’ve skidded across the ground, tearing through the material of his jacket. The worst injury after his lung had been the deep cut hidden amongst his hair and the swelling that had surrounded it, and it was that which was their biggest concern now that he had stabilised.

   The doctors had warned them that there was a possibility that he might not wake up at all, and that the longer he remained unconscious, the less likely it was that he would manage to come back. And that even if he did manage to come round, the chances of permanent damage were high. Bickslow didn’t care about damage, or limitations. He believed without a doubt that Freed would come back, he had to, the mantra of Freed’s words echoing in his mind. They could deal with anything that followed as long as Freed came back to him. He knew that the others were worried that he hadn’t fully comprehended what the Doctors had meant and maybe he hadn’t, but he’d had long hours to consider it as he sat beside his partner, long hours to contemplate what it could mean for their future and his conclusion hadn’t changed. _It doesn’t matter, as long as he wakes up…_

   Gently he traced patterns on the back of the hand he was holding, searching the still features as always for some sign of awareness, struggling to swallow his disappointment as the blankness remained and gently squeezing Freed’s hand.

_You just have to wake up now, and I can’t do that for you…_

****

   Bickslow jerked awake, horrified to realise that he had allowed himself to fall asleep when he was supposed to be watching over Freed, even though it had been days since the younger man had done anything to alarm them. _Still, it’s because I wasn’t alert enough in the first place that we ended up in this mess_. That was a thought that had never left him since he’d first remembered what had happened, Evergreen and Laxus had both done their best to reassure him that it wasn’t his fault, but the still form of his partner said otherwise. He swallowed, slowly lifting his eyes to look at Freed. A heavy feeling in his chest as he expected to find him in the same state he had been in for the last two weeks, only to freeze as he realised that the blank expression had been replaced by a furrowed brow and even as he watched Freed’s eyes shifted under closed lids.

“Fr…” His voice caught in his throat for a moment, remembering the last time he had asked for a response only to be met by silence, but the sight of the Rune mage’s eyes shifting again gave him the courage to force it out. “Freed?” There was no missing the way that Freed’s brow had furrowed even deeper, and the Skeith mage was hit by an insane urge to laugh. Because it looked remarkably close to the annoyed expression, he would face on the few occasions where he had managed to distract Freed enough for the Rune mage to lose track of what he was reading. _Not an easy task_ …However, he swallowed the urge to laugh and instead leant in closer, reaching out to reclaim the hand he must’ve dropped when he’d dropped off. “Freed? Come on, you can open those eyes for me!” He called softly, and this time he was rewarded by the slightest hint of pressure around his fingers, his breath catching as he glanced down to see that Freed’ s fingers had curled ever so slightly around his.

_Freed…._

   Freed’s awakening was a slow process, and more than once Bickslow was terrified that the Rune mage was going to sink back under without even opening his eyes. However, he turned that terror into determination, clutching Freed’s hand as tightly as he dared as he kept up a constant stream of encouragement and reassurances. Freed’s eyes were shifting more frequently now, and Bickslow felt as though his heart might burst out of his chest when suddenly they flickered open, and he felt tears on his cheeks as he caught a glimpse of the turquoise he loved so much. Before he could say anything though, Freed’s eyes had drifted shut, and he was about to panic when Freed’s lips moved, the Rune mage trying to speak only for nothing more than a broken sound to come out.

“B…”

“Don’t try to speak,” Bickslow scolded lightly, blinking back fresh tears because he knew what Freed had been trying to do. He had been trying to say his name, and he knew that broken sound would forever more remain one of his favourite sounds because it meant that Freed was there. That he had come back despite the odds, and that some part of him knew who was with him. His own voice was choked with emotion as he felt Freed’s fingers trembling, trying to sound as reassuring as possible as he squeezed them, reaching out with his other hands to gently brush unruly hair out of the way. “It’s okay, you’re safe. You’re safe.”

   Freed’s brow furrowed again, and when he managed to force his eyes open once more, Bickslow could clearly make out the confusion in his eyes, and there was a little bubble of anxiety in the Skeith mage’s chest. “Freed?” The bubble swelling as he watched Freed’s gaze drift around the hospital room for a minute, not really focusing on anything before slowly coming back to Bickslow, his tongue flicking out in an attempt to moisten his lips before he finally managed to force two words out and Bickslow felt his heart sink.

“Wh…t ha…ppened?”

****

Retrograde Amnesia.

     Bickslow had panicked after hearing the confused question, finally alerting the doctors that Freed had woken up, only to be chased from the room so that they could examine the Rune mage, and he had spent the following two hours pacing anxiously in the corridor. Evergreen and Laxus had joined him an hour ago, torn between relief to know that Freed as always had managed to defy the odds and concern. And after a few attempts to distract him, they had left Bickslow to his pacing as they settled in to wait, and all three of them had literally pounced on the doctor who had come to speak to them. Thankfully the doctors and nurses had got used to them over the past couple of weeks, and he had been quick to reassure them that while Freed’s memories of the battle and the rockslide, and the conversations in the caves had been affected that was the only damage detectable at the moment.

   There was the possibility that it would take a few days for Freed to be able to convert short-term memory to long-term memory, and they were warned to be patient if they found themselves having to repeat conversations until then; and it was doubtful that he would ever recall the events that had landed him in the hospital. But those were both things they could easily deal with, and Evergreen and Laxus exchanged relieved looks, having both been worried that they had been too late before turning to Bickslow who had tears in his eyes as he asked the doctor the question that he had been too afraid to ask before now.

“He’ll be okay?”

    The cautiously positive agreement made his tears fall, but there was a smile on his face even as he listened to the doctor reminding them all that Freed would be on bed-rest for a while and would need some physiotherapy even with magic to help with his healing. They all listened intently and filed away the details, none of them looking forward to telling Freed that he would be bed-bound for a while. Or that he would be unable to work for even longer, well aware that as soon as he felt well enough he would be trying to rush his recovery, and they would have to be the ones to slow him down. However, it was hard to focus on the negative with the relief flooding them, and after a few minutes the doctor let them go with a smile and a warning that Freed was asleep and not to disturb him and that he would be sleeping a lot as he healed.

_As long as he’s alive, we can deal with everything else..._

****

Two days later:

   Freed groaned as he gradually drifted awake, becoming aware of the pain throbbing in every inch of his body and the strange haze that seemed to be lying between the pain and himself and grimacing as he realised he must be medicated. _What happened?_ He cracked one eye open cautiously, only to flinch as the painful glare from the light lacrimas hit him, and he winced, slamming it shut again as a dull pain roared to life in the back of his head.

“Freed?” A soft voice murmured from beside him, and Freed turned towards the noise, immediately recognising the voice and realising that he could feel warm hands holding his and his lips quirked up, knowing instantly who it was.

“Bix…?” He croaked.

“Here,” Bickslow’s voice was soft and soothing, and the Rune mage cautiously his eyes open to find the Skeith mage leaning over him and blocking out the worst of the light, and it took him a moment to realise that his partner was holding a plastic cup with a bendable straw just in front of his lips. Realising that he was parched he opened his mouth with a grateful expression, sighing with relief as the older man moved it closer, holding it steady as he took a long sip. Smiling gratefully when he was done, and he was met with an answering smile as Bickslow gently pulled it away and set it on the bedside table before asking softly. “Better?”

“Yeah…” Freed murmured, squinting around at the room they were in, frowning as he realised that it was a hospital room and that he had no clear recollection of how he had got here, and he turned back to Bickslow. “What happened?"

“What do you recall?”

    Freed closed his eyes again, unable to focus on trying to access the fragments of memory with the light increasing his pounding headache. There was nothing coherent, and he worried at his bottom lip, hating the fact that he couldn’t bring together a clear image of what had happened. “Flashes…We were on a job? Then…” He frowned, before slowly opening his eyes once more. There was definitely a gap in his memories, and that bothered him more than he liked, especially as he turned his attention back to Bickslow, taking in the exhaustion lining his partner’s face and the shadowed look in the crimson eyes. It was something bad, but what? Blinking, he let his gaze drift again, fairly sure that he had seen this room before. “I’ve been here before? I think…I remember Ever being here?” He had a vague image of their teammate hovering over him, an unusually soft look in her eyes.

“Good,” Bickslow looked pleased with that and Freed raised an eyebrow in question, unable to summon the energy to ask. “Evergreen was here the last time you woke up. She and Laxus have been making me take turns in watching over you the last couple of days.” He had been less than happy when the Dragon-slayer had laid down the law, but he hadn’t been able to argue when they had pointed out he was going to need his strength for when Freed was on the mend and started fighting them. “That’s the first time you’ve remembered something from the last time you woke up, so you might finally be storing a few things to long-term memory.” Just as the doctor had warned them, Freed had woken intermittently over the last couple of days, and they had found themselves answering the same questions over and over again, with no sign of any of it being carried over to the next conversation. _He’s getting better_ …

“What?” Freed couldn’t hide his alarm, not liking the sound of that or the serious expression on the other’s face.

“You were badly hurt on that job,” Bickslow replied softly, his grip tightening on Freed’s hand and he had to swallow hard before continuing. “You had a serious concussion, amongst other injuries,” he explained. Stopping Freed who had tried to reach up with his other arm to feel his head, only to grimace as he shifted his arm. And he could see the dawning realisation as the younger man glanced down and began to take stock of the plaster around his arm, the bandages around his torso and he paused to give Freed a moment to take it all in.

   Freed had been caught by surprise by the spike in pain when he shifted his arm, and it had finally made him focus on the pain that wasn’t coming from his head, a lump forming in the back of his throat as he took in the plaster around his arm and the bandages covering most of his torso. His gaze then drifting down to his feet as he met resistance when he tried to move his legs, eyes widening at the sight of more plaster on his ankle. Badly injured, suddenly seemed like an understatement and he wondered what the hell had happened, especially as apart from a couple of yellowing bruises his partner didn’t appear to be injured. Realising that Bickslow was giving him a chance to take stock, he lifted his head, nodding cautiously for him to continue.

“It affected your ability to convert short-term memories to long-term memories,” the Skeith mage explained, unable to resist reaching up to brush his fingers across Freed’s cheek, smiling as Freed leant into the gentle touch before he continued softly. “We’ve had a few repeated conversations, but this is a sign of improvement.”

“Is that why I don’t remember what happened?”

“Yes,” Bickslow nodded, catching the unhappy note in his partner’s voice, well aware that the Rune mage prided himself on his memory and that this void was going to bother him and he was cautious as he explained that it might not come back. “The doctors say it’s unlikely you’ll ever remember clearly.” He felt Freed’s fingers tighten around his hand, and he was half expecting an outburst, but after a moment Freed sighed and sank back slightly.

“Oh,” Freed scowled, hating the thought that his memories were messed up, possibly irreversibly, especially as he had caught the undercurrent of guilt in his partner’s voice, unable to shake the feeling that there was more to all of this. A dozen questions were darting around in his head, but as he glanced down at his injuries and then at the bruises that he could see on Bickslow’s body he settled on the two most pressing ones. “How long have I been here? And when can I get out of here?”

   Bickslow had seen the questions brewing, dreading what Freed might ask as he wasn’t sure if he was ready to broach the topic of what had really happened, of how close they had come to losing Freed. But he should have known what his partner was going to ask, and his lips twisted into a wry smile at the second one. Clearly, they weren’t going to have a period of grace before the Rune mage began plotting his escape, but somehow, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

_This is my Freed…_

****

    Freed was practically vibrating with excitement as they waited for the doctor to arrive, as hopefully, he was finally going to get the all clear to leave the hospital. And not a moment too soon, he thought with a soft growl as he felt the pillows he was propped up against being adjusted for the tenth time in the past few minutes, and his eyes flashed as he twisted to glare at Bickslow.

“Will you stop fussing already,” Freed growled at the older man as he caught sight of the hand snaking out to adjust his covers, his expression softening slightly as he caught the sheepish expression on Bickslow’s face and he sighed before reaching out to grasp the other’s hand. “I’m all right.” _Well, I’m on the mend,_ he corrected himself silently, refusing to admit that aloud when Bickslow was watching him with such concerned eyes and when he could see the amused expressions on Laxus and Evergreen’s face from the corner of his eye.

   He had experienced their concern before during past injuries and illnesses, but never to the extent that he had been forced to endure for the last two weeks. Every time he had needed something it had appeared before he had even had a chance to ask for it. If he tried to reach for something off the bedside table one of them would snatch it up and pass it, so he didn’t have to ‘strain’ himself. Added to that was the fact that between his arm and his ankle if he actually wanted to go anywhere. Be it the bathroom or for a wander around the hospital when his room became too tedious, he was forced to rely on one of them to push him around in the wheelchair currently parked in the corner of his room. He could accept that he had limitations in his current state, as much as he might not want to. What he couldn’t accept though was the constant fussing, especially when he had caught Bickslow actually moving as though to try and offer to feed him a couple of days before.

   In a way he could understand, after all, Bickslow had finally explained exactly what had happened to him on the job a few days before once they were sure that his memory was back to normal and it wasn’t a conversation that was going to need to be repeated. It was terrifying to realise how close he had come to die, and for a couple of days after he hadn’t even been able to muster the slightest bit of irritation at their fussing, realising that it was as much for their comfort as it was to help him. However, enough was enough. He had made it clear to all three of them that he didn’t consider them responsible, even without any memories of what had happened, he knew without a doubt that he would do the same again if any of them were in danger. Especially Bickslow…

“Bickslow,” he said softly, squeezing the older man’s hand and waiting for crimson eyes to slowly meet his gaze before adding softly. “You need to stop fussing so much.” He was reasonably sure no one had ever been babied as much as he had recently, and while he appreciated it as a sign of how much he meant to his partner, it was too much.

“But…”

“I love you and all,” Freed cut him off gently, smiling to take the sting out of his words. Bickslow had woken him a couple of times, jerking awake from nightmares when he dozed off in the chair, and he knew that what had happened was going to haunt Bickslow for a while. As much as he hated the gap in his memories, he was glad in a way that he was spared from those images. He glanced towards Evergreen and Laxus as well to make sure that they knew they were included in this, because they had only been marginally better than his partner, and that was largely because of Bickslow rarely venturing from his side. Even Laxus spent large parts of his visits gruffly demanding to know if he was okay or whether he needed anything. “But this is too much. Besides, it’s my job to worry about you lot.” He was so used to watching out for all of them, taking care of them and protecting them, that he had no idea how to deal with being on the receiving end.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Laxus demanded with a scowl, that did nothing to disguise the concern as he watched both of them and Freed wasn’t fooled in the slightest.

“It means….” He began to reply, only to cut himself off as the doctor they had been waiting for bustled into the room, praying that it was going to be the answer he was looking for and hoping that once they were out of the hospital, the others would start to get back to normal.

_Please, before I end up throwing something at them…._

**

   Freed was triumphant, even if his triumph was somewhat ruined by the fact that his escape from the hospital came in the form of being wheeled out in a wheelchair, once more dependent on the others and oh how he hoped that Wendy and Porlyusica would be able to speed up his recovery when they got back to Fairy Tail. Still, he was out of the hospital. He was on the mend, and he had seen some of the tension visibly disappear from his teammates faces at the news that he could go home and that as long as he was careful he was going to make a full recovery, and he hoped that news would help them back off a little in all their fussing.

   However, he realised that he was far too hopeful with that thought a moment later, feeling warm breath teasing his ear as Bickslow lent in to whisper in his ear.

“I am going to spoil you rotten when we get home.”

“What?” Freed demanded, hearing the mischievousness that had been missing for far too long from his partner’s voice and realising a moment too late that he had reacted just as Bickslow had planned and he twisted in the chair, ignoring the twinge from his ribs as he glared up at his partner. His eyes narrowing further as he caught the grin on his partner’s face, even though inside he was smiling to finally see the expression he had been missing the most, instead growling at Bickslow. “No, you’re not! I…” He was cut off mid-protest by the Skeith mage stealing a kiss, and despite himself he found himself melting into it, especially as Bickslow had been wary about those kind of displays the last few days, and he found himself unable to protest as the older man pulled back, resting their foreheads together as he whispered softly.

“Yes, I am.”


End file.
